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HadenDA

19 Art Reviews

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A fellow TYS fan?! Hell yeah! Also, nice art.

Shamfoo responds:

Absolutely! I work with them often

Me again! So, uh... I liked it better than part one! This was far more focused, whereas part one felt all over the place and it really didn't need to be. I still have issues, though.

For one thing, while I get the joke that MC is just gonna be oblivious the entire time, I still don't get an absurdist vibe from the art. Buuuut, we already talked about that. I won't rehash my previous complaints. For now.

My only other issue was the ending. Don't get me wrong, ending on establishing the end goal is a great conclusion! But the paneling felt weird. You see, I think you have a strong understanding of when to use more analog panels (you know, square) for mundane scenes vs more ridged and slanted panels for scenes with action and tension. That's all well and good. But the last page is where it feels off. Not because of the slants; I think it works for a scene to tell the audience where we're headed. My issue is with the order in which the panels are placed. I feel like we should end on the larger panel. The composition on the last one is nice and all, but the size of it left me thinking there was gonna be another page. In fact, I was confused when there wasn't one. Two smalls then one big; that's how I think it should've been set.

Anyhoo, still not in love with this story, but this part had me feeling less cynical. And, even if its not my cup of tea, I think its cute.

I'll start with the positives. The art is great. I like the style and colors.

A lot of my issues are down to personal preference. I appreciate stories that trust the audience and have characters reacting believably to the world around them. So, when I see a person looking at some gross body horror giblet monster, and she assumes it's just an old guy, I get a bad impression. Maybe it's meant to be absurdist, but the art doesn't really inform that notion so I really don't know what you were going for.

I'm not in love with the dialogue. The main character talks too much which wouldn't be a problem if I got the impression what she's saying is important. I didn't. She didn't need to say, "I'm starving!" The tummy rumble would've sufficed. A lot of her dialogue seems super forced, like when she says "I'm so flipping unstoppable!" Again, personal gripe, but the narration could've been cut. There are more engaging ways you could've conveyed her motives (not that I find them interesting but I'll let that slide since this is only the first half of the introduction).

Some of the pages and panels were hard to read. Not in terms of text but in conveyance. It's not always clear what I'm looking at or what action is supposed to be happening. I might just be the wrong audience, but the fan service isn't compelling. It seems you were more concerned with showing the MC's body than developing her personality. There was no purpose to the fan service, it was just there. I found myself asking, "Why are you just showing me her vagina?" Yes, she's a lifeguard, but that's clearly just an excuse to give her a hot design. You made it clear that she's just in it for the money, so her choosing that job specifically isn't indicative of any deeper or nuanced motive.

Anyway, this isn't for me, but I'll keep reading because I feel like I should at least give this story a chance. If for no other reason than I'd like to share my own comic one day, so I'm feeling empathetic. Story, characters, themes, and subtly are more important to me than artwork, hence the score.

They need a lighter outline to contrast with the dark background. I'm guessing these are PNGs so you probably weren't considering NGs darker canvas. Other than that, good stuff!

XtremeXavier responds:

Yeah these are transparent PNGs, but deducting a star for that is a weird thing to do imo
Sure I could account for that and add an outline/background, but instead of rating the work you’re rating the way it looks on this site (unless you weren’t in which case this reply’s redundant)
I’m not upset mind you, but I wound up contemplating that long enough to want to remark on it. Appreciate the positive feedback otherwise!

I'm not crazy about the brown accents but other than that it looks great.

Frankly, I think a brighter background composed of more contrasting colors would help a lot (just don't pick ugly colors for the BG like I do). Aside from that, it looks great.

Overall great, but the heavy shading on his eyes in contrast to the other less heavy shadows else makes it look like he doesn't have any. I understand that with the exception of the movies All Might's eyes aren't supposed to be visible but I feel like you could've figured something out.

Gulthrax responds:

Thank you for the critique!

Yo, looks awesome! You can definitely feel the weight of it and that's tough to pull off.

Not bad for your first try. Definitely better than when I started.

SomeTinyCritter responds:

Thanks, Haden!

I'm aware of every little mistake I've done in this one, so I'll be more careful if I do another animation. ^-^

It definitely pops out compared to your previous drawings. It's more three dimensional and of course has a proper background, giving it more of an atmosphere. My main criticisms are with her head. The hair being in strands feels a bit eerie. As if she applied gel to multiple areas before taking a swim. It also kinda looks like a wig that's floating upward and left to her scalp a bit. Finally, her face feels a bit flat. Other than that, I'd say a good job. It feels like you stepped out of your comfort zone in order to draw this, which I think is great and would recommend you do more in the future.

How I do the goof.
Step 1. Thing hit other thing.
Step 2. Screen shake.
Step 3. Funny sound.
Hadencreate@gmail.com

Haden Andry (pronounced AWN-DRAY) @HadenDA

Male

Within a giant squid.

Joined on 4/12/14

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